You found out your teenager is smoking weed. Now what?
This is a system I used to talk to teenagers as a student pastor for 8ish years.
Don’t freak out
Ask intentional questions
Find the source that motivated the decision
This is not a replacement for disciplining. As a parent, you have to decide the consequences of your child’s actions accordingly. This is to help you have a behind the scenes framework to have a conversation with your child when they have just blindsided you by their actions. In this case, you know they smoked some weed.
First off, understand what weed is. Weed is from the Cannabis plant which has been around for thousands of years and has served people as a medicinal plant for thousands of generations. We live in a timeframe of the last 70ish years it has been tagged to demonize minorities.
Check out my book Jesus & Cannabis for more information regarding Cannabis.
Even though people are using it as medicine and responsibly the sad truth is that there is a lot of unknowns about the plant use. Especially for people whose brains are still developing. If you found your child consuming Marijuana it’s not the end of the world but boundaries need to be set up to help them see that it may impact them mentally because their brain is in a deeply developing state as an adolescent.
Don’t Freak Out
Often times when we freak out about a situation it shuts the teenager down in a conversation. It also enrages us and we are not thinking with our best self. Do what you need to do to calm down and then approach the conversation with a leveled mindset. Do not assume anything and also communicate how that situation makes you feel as a parent.
Connect with them.
Ask Intentional Questions
Despite the negative effects of marijuana on the adolescent brain. Be mindful of the environment in which your child consumed in. Ask questions to help paint a picture for you to be able to understand the process of thought that was happening.
Was your child peer pressured? Ok. What made them give in? Why did you do that? Did you want to or did they make you feel like you have to? Why did you want to do that? Why did you feel like you have to? Etc. If you seem to be over exasperating them with questions, comment that you can notice they are getting frustrated and let them know that you can give them a moment before you continue the conversation.
Ask about the friends and if their parents know. Ask questions that help you gain more understanding of the context.
This is meant to help your child understand the situation and help train them to think for themselves and not based on other people’s agenda.
Teenage years are tough. There’s usually a lot of hormones, pressure, and expectation in those years. As role models to our children, the best thing we can do is help guide them on their journey to a place where they can think clearly. Not freaking out on them and asking intentional questions help us help them.
The entire time the conversation is going on you want to pay attention to the behind the scenes.
The truth of the matter is our kids have an enemy. This enemy does not hold back on our kids because they are young. The enemy wants to kill their destiny, steal their identity, and destroy their confidence so that they are victims of their circumstances instead of victors in their calling.
Pay attention to the responses from your child and comment on anything that feels off or weird.
Weird feelings are often invitations to get a more spiritual understanding of a matter.
Building spiritual intelligence takes paying attention to what is happening more than anything else. If that isn’t the way you are wired and you find spiritual things hard for you to understand, it’s ok. Desire to grow in that area and set your heart on helping your child where they are at in that matter and God will help you. You are called to be the spiritual covering over your child. What they believe about God will be tremendously shaped by their relationship with you. You get the privilege of teaching them accordingly.
Be honest. Be kind. Be intentional.
If intentionality in parenting is a desire of yours check out my wife and my Intentional Parenting course that is geared towards giving you practical tools in helping you be a more intentional parent.