The Wayward Mind
Some years ago in my teenage years, I had a desire to stop excessively partying and womanizing. The desire was so strong that I would oftentimes isolate myself from my close friends, which happened to all be related to me. At the time I was the wildest one in the bunch which typically led me into various situations where I should have not been. Which included random parties in nearby towns, in places with complete strangers, not remembering nights, and in the wrong places at the wrong time. There’s a bunch that could have happened that did not, which I am thankful for.
The fear of the lifestyle never bothered me but the biggest obstacle that challenged me to stop going back and forth between the less busy life that I wanted to live and the very fast life that I was living was sealed by a statement from one of those closely related friends. I do not remember if he mentioned the statement directly to me or if I had heard the conversation from another person but whatever avenue the statement pierced me deeply. After someone had asked him about my whereabouts ``he had said ‘don’t worry, he’ll be back with us soon’”.
Though that statement might not mean much to you, yet, it meant so much to me at the time. This was spoken in one of my periods of isolation from the things that I excessively engaged in and from the people who were usually around me when I did them. This statement was so piercing because it uncovered my waywardness. The waywardness that I knew I was tormented by, the indecisiveness, the feeling of being trapped between my mind and my body. I had wanted to live a less busy life so bad, but I constantly would break the promises I made to myself.
In the next several minutes I want to share with you a specific skill that I have learned to escape waywardness and so can you. You do not have to feel trapped. You were created to live in freedom.
Let’s dive a little deeper into waywardness. Simply put what I mean by waywardness can be likened to being stuck in between a conversation. Being the messenger for two people. Have you ever been in a conversation as a person who has to go back and forth to tell the other person what the other person said? The chances that you have been that person are very high, what may be even more likely is the fact that you probably saw a character of a movie in the “caught in the middle” type situation. Usually, the person who is in the middle reaches their capacity and finally shuts down the avenue for communication between the two people and says something along the lines of “that’s enough”.
Having a Wayward Mind is just that, being caught in the middle. You are back and forth between things you said you would do and things you said you would never do again. Maybe between starting the business and procrastinating for another 2 years. Between depression and living in abundant joy. Between having that hard conversation that you know you need to have and saying to yourself “well maybe tomorrow.” The only problem with that is that tomorrow never comes.
Very rarely, if ever, does everything align perfectly for you to feel like saying “that’s enough, I am just doing it.” You may never “feel it” but that’s okay because you don’t have to. You just have to make a decision to do whatever it is and then do it. You just have to decide. Your mind and maybe even your body might try to tell you to stop, that you are not good enough, smart enough, resourced enough, perfection may say not now maybe later, but whatever negative voice comes to try to hinder you from walking in freedom, you have the power. You have the power to make powerful decisions to change your life and the lives of the others around you. Decide what it is you want to do or not do and do not back down.
Recently I was listening to an interview with a man by the name of David Goggins. In the interview, he had said something so interesting and true. He was speaking to the interviewer about doing something difficult. He told the interviewer that he had decided to do something and never backed down, even when his brain was trying to convince him otherwise. He went on to say that eventually his brain would change and say “okay, I guess we are doing this.” He pointed to what so many neuroscientists speak about. A term called neuroplasticity, simply put, the ability to change the thinking patterns of the brain. One of my favorite neuroscientist, Dr.Caroline Leaf, says in so many beautiful ways, that our minds have authority over our brains.
You can decide to do something, think a certain way, or not do something and your physical body, your brain, will eventually adjust accordingly. If you stay in the wayward thinking and never make a decision, you will never change, you will be stuck in the endless loop, expending valuable energy that is meant to progress you in every area of life.
Write down your decision. Whatever it may be. Visualize it. Feel it. Let it become your reality and believe that there is nothing that will stop you from fulfilling it. Even if it seems impossible.
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