The Fallacy of Inner Health
Growing up in an unstable environment can have a plethora of psychological effects on your mind. Not only while you’re a kid but well into adulthood. Add some abuse to the concoction and you have a good ole unstable person that is bound to be a negative statistic in a textbook somewhere. That was me.
Highly dysfunctional family, with tons of abuse experience. It left me a mess during my teenage years, suicidal on the bad days, and the life of the party on the other days. As if teenage years aren’t already emotional without an entourage of trauma constantly creeping at the back door of your mind randomly showing itself through the window of your life. Fueling the not well thought through plans that cause everybody, including yourself, to wonder why you did what you just did.
Looking back at it I didn’t feel like myself. I would leave school if I got mad. My hormones were raging and I always had to be in a relationship or pursuing intimacy in a relationship without commitment. I would never “date” because I didn’t want to cheat on my girlfriend because I saw too much of that growing up with relatives that I knew that only brought trouble and hurt.
I refer to that part of my life as being “out of my mind”. I felt like I wasn’t in control. Fast forward to now, I’m in my right mind, I’m no longer led by my unusual urges or emotional extremes. I’m healthy and becoming more healthy. I’m thankful.
A person that has experienced a negative extreme can typically appreciate when peace comes into their lives. It makes me think of the person who “wakes up” and realizes the importance of life after a near-death experience.
They become aware of realities that were always there but they could never experience them fully because their life didn’t allow for them to become aware of what exposure to that extreme revealed to them.
How did I get here? What happened?
I will share what I did up to this point.
- For me, it started with an unusual encounter that led to an ultimate purpose. I actually googled ways to change the world. The best way I can explain the encounter was divine. It literally shifted my entire life and it was the beginning of me stepping into a right mind. Find a purpose. If you can’t think of one yourself, adopt someone else’s purpose for a set time until you develop your own. Let it consume you.
- It was confronting the hard things. After failing to live up to the standard I had for myself I had to really question “why” I did certain things. Why did I feel like I had to constantly stay in a sexual relationship? Why did I get angry and feel like I could not function normally? Why was I self-conscious about certain things? Asking those questions and not moving on until I got an answer led to me realizing that I had unforeseen trauma that I had experienced that left this unwanted behavior ruling my life. But it all started with asking why. Become aware of what you don’t like about yourself, your life, and then go to the source. Dig deep and discover what the root is.
- I make growth a priority. I truly believe that if we are not growing we are dying. I feed my hunger for growth by researching things I am curious about and/or developing skills that I am passionate about. What are you curious about? Start there and research whatever it is. Don’t get caught up in the same routine for too long, continue to grow, and stretch yourself in all areas of life. Spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Stay curious and you will stay growing.
Health is a journey more than a destination. Do not feel less than if you have to get someone to help you along the journey to become healthier in any area of your life.
It is easier to enjoy life when you have a healthy inner world.